QUITTER

I think I quit smoking accidentally. Smoking was the last thing I wanted to do when I was sick, and I still kind of feel that way post-headache. I try smoking when I did before the sickness, like after meals or with my morning coffee, but I can only get through a few drags before I have to put it out.

This is good thing, I guess?

FRUSTRATED PILL POPPER

I've been battling with one of the worst headaches I've ever had in my life, and I've been fighting it since Sunday night. Teaching kids on Monday and Tuesday was an uphill battle, and it got to the point where I had to call in sick today.

I went to the doctor's office today to see what was up with this long lasting headache, and told the doctor my symptoms, that Tylenol had not been helping, and that I'm somewhat worried because it has been going on for days. The doctor's response was pretty infuriating; all he did was take my blood pressure and tell me something along the lines of, "there are many causes of headaches, like drinking, smoking, eating spicy foods, eating salty foods..." while smirking.

First of all, I'm not hungover. Secondly, a lot of Korean food isn't as spicy as Koreans like to claim--I can handle your (sometimes bland) food, you arrogant asshole. Why didn't the doctor take my temperature at least? Or examine my swollen, blood-shot eyes? Or show some concern as I've had this headache since Sunday. Instead he brushed me off with a prescription for 12 sets of four pills to be taken three times a day. I'm not sure what the pills are or what they'll do, because the pharmacy will never give me any information on what I'm taking, not even information in Korean. (After some google-fu, I found out one of the pills is acetaminophen...I told him Tylenol was not helping!) Korean doctors love to throw medication at health problems in hopes of making the problems go away, as shown by the many, many, many pills other foreigners have been prescribed. I've also seen Korean kids having to take five or six pills at a time when they're sick. I'm just surprised I didn't get a shot in the ass, as that is most common when going to the doctor's, no matter what the health issue might be.

ONE MONTH OF TEACHER LEFT

I have now been in Korea for 11 months. Imma coming home soon!

BUCK YOU, TEACHER

I teach a lot of young kids who have trouble grasping pronouns. This is troublesome because they love ratting each other out, and so when they're trying to tell me something, it will usually come out like this: Teacher! You [pointing to the perpetrator] buck you me! (It's weird hearing really young children yell, "buck you!") They will also say, "teacher! Bad talking!"

If they don't know how to verbally explain what the other kid had done, the offended will mime and moan what happened, like so: Teacher! You [pointing to the perpetrator and making weird moaning noises while miming the offending action] me!

This was cute at first, but this shit starts to wear you down after 11 months. I've taught them the meaning of "I don't care." It's gotten to the point where I'll high-five the perpetrator just so they'll stop trying to get one another in trouble.

Yeah, I'm a great teacher! (This was actually shown in gifts, as I got the most out of all the foreign teachers in my school on Teacher's Day.)

DRUNK TEXTS

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ is my new favourite site at the moment.


(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

ENGRISH

If you're a Korean, the cool thing to do is to wear clothes with English splashed across the clothing. A lot of the the time the English doesn't make any sense, or it says something that if you knew what it meant you probably wouldn't wear it. My favourite to date was an old lady wearing a black t-shirt that had "I Heart Crap" written on it.

WHO HAVE I BECOME?

My last day of teaching is on June 23rd. I'm going to miss several things when I blow this Fudgesicle stand, but there is one thing I'll miss that surprises me the most: my favourite kids. They always brighten my day, even when I'm at my worst (read: hungover). They are so much fun, and we spend a lot of class time laughing at stupid shit. They've inflated my ego because they'll laugh at just about anything I do. (I made the mistake of teaching them the K-I-S-S-I-N-G rhyme, and now they'll always sing it about me and some other foreign teacher, ddong, or a toilet.) I also love how every dispute is solved by a round of rock-paper-scissors. I have gotten into the habit of playing RPS with them, with the stakes being if I win, they're crazy, and if they win, I'm crazy.

But I have to wonder if it's not the cultural and language barriers that are filtering out how these kids really are. Maybe these filters are allowing just the cuteness to shine on through. I hated kids and everything they stood for back home. If I were teaching kids back home, I think I'd get annoyed easily with them because I couldn't fall back on the, "oh, those crazy Korean kids." Also, the fact that my day with kids end as soon as the last bell rings really helps me avoid seeing how these kids really are.

I think I'm going to give my favourites my e-mail address and home address so I can receive stupid letters. Though I might not want to do that because one of my kids threatens jokingly that he's going to throw a nuclear bomb on my mother's house. (We usually spend part of the class describing how we're going to destroy one another's families.)

IT COULD BE FROM THE WIRE

One of my 9-year old students insisted his English name is Bubbles. I can't help but giggle whenever I have to call his name.

Also, Kings is probably the best drinking game in the world. Breaking out a deck of cards to start a relatively rowdy game of Kings while everyone is already in a semi-drunk state has become the norm. The last time we played, all but one of us African-American-ed out. That might have been because someone made a rule where whenever you used some one's name, you had to buy that person a shot. Four or five people said my name right after this rule came into play, and, well, it was the beginning of the end.

I can really see how easy it is to come back to Korea for another year. It's just so easy here. I think my biggest responsibility is trying to stay out of the casino. So many people have left Korea for, in their words, "good." But after a few months of living back home, they got sick of it and ended up coming back. I think a year in Korea is enough for me. I think if I were here for more than a year, my laziness would really shine. It just becomes monotonous. Plus I really miss home and the people who reside there.

TRAVELLING

1.5 months left in my contract. My travel plans so far:

Korea -> Thailand -> Laos -> Vancouver -> Toronto!

I'll be returning to Korea for a day or two to gather the stuff I left in Tory's apartment. (Tory, can I leave my shit at your place?) And with the round trip ticket to Thailand being only ~$350, this trip will be a lot cheaper than I originally planned for.

I think visiting two countries in six weeks will be more rewarding than seeing six countries in six weeks. From my experience, trying to see a country within a week makes for a rushed vacation.

So, yeah! Toronto soon!

FUCK THE CHILDREN

Tomorrow (May 5th) is Children's Day in Korea. It's one of their nine public holidays, and all the students get the day off (depending on the school it could be a few days) and apparently they're spoiled with butt-loads of presents. The parents who also get the day off will spend the day with their children, celebrating...how wonderful they are? I don't know.

At first I thought this was a little ridiculous, but I've come to realise it's one of the few days kids have an entire day to themselves. They're in school/hagwons for pretty much 80% of the day, six (though sometimes seven) days a week. And the kids who are not in school on the weekend are sometimes forced to watch their parents have fun, which is what Tory and I witnessed one Saturday while at the gym. The parents who were involved in a squash tournament brought their children with them, who were forced to watch their parents enjoying themselves while they just sat there, probably daydreaming about something fun.

I wasn't going to do much for my students, but someone kindly reminded me that Teacher's Day, where apparently students (are forced to) give many gifts to their kind teachers, is around the corner, and if I want to be showered with gifts, I should probably put some effort into a Children's Day-related activity. So today my present to all of them was an episode of the Simpson's, followed by People Getting Punched Just Before Eating.

GUILTY PLEASURE

Boy bands and girl bands are incredibly popular here. And a lot of the K-Pop that comes from them is pretty, well, annoying. They all sound exactly the same as if there was some algorithm they use to crank out their top hits, which, I guess, is what you could say about the music back home. It's just worse here because the selection isn't as vast, and so you'll hear the same song multiple times in the same store. But everyone in Southeast Asia is in love with k-pop, and friends have told me they've heard k-pop in Thailand, Cambodia, and I've heard it in Taiwan. My students love to sing random verses from whatever song is popular at the moment (and the songs are popular for months), and love it when I do the same.

I will admit that there are some songs (ie. two or three) that get me excited enough to dance. The following is one of them. They're a nine-member girl band called Girls' Generation, and...yeah. It's totally my guilty pleasure at the moment, and this is the song I sing in class to get my students excited.

KOREAN

I've decided I'm going to put forth a lot more effort into learning Korean for the remaining months I'm here. I found out I'm more fluent than I thought, as I just had a conversation in Korean with this lady at a restaurant. Well, she was speaking in Korean, and I was speaking in a garbled up version of Korean. So, yeah!

DDONG CHIM

The Korean children have this...thing they do to one another. They clasp their hands together and extend their index fingers and thumbs to resemble a gun. Then they'll scream, "ddong chim!" while trying to stab each other's assholes. I've had a few students attempt to ddong chim me.

Ddong chim literally means "poop needle." I don't know either, but it's pretty wide spread.

Koreans have only one word for poop: ddong. I spent part of a class teaching my favourite students all the words we have for poop in the English language. They were impressed.

HEAD SICK

Korean children have a very limited vocabulary, so when they want to lament to me about whatever is ailing them, they'll point and say, "..., sick!"

Anyways, my body is sick. I think I had too much tonic last night.

Jess is here! And she will be here for a full month, unlike Vanessa's paltry five day visit. (Sorry, V.) As usual, the Korean greeting tradition was observed, and much, if not too much, drinking took place. Jess held her own and didn't puke in two cabs in one night, unlike Vanessa. (Sorry, V.)

TOO MUCH PUBLIC IN BATHROOMS

My hagwon does not provide a private bathroom for the teachers. Instead, all of the students and the teachers share one, which is the norm for all hagwons. Because of this, whenever I'm in the bathroom, I'll lock the door, preventing the curious Korean students from seeing how a foreigner does their deed in the bathroom. This might sound extreme, but after hearing some horror stories, I feel this is the best recourse.

HORROR STORY ONE:

One day Kiran had to take a shit. Upon going into the stall and doing his thing, a bunch of students came tumbling into the washroom. One of them yelled, "Oh! Teacher is making chocolate smell!"

Kiran froze. A bunch of students started clamouring because of the partition that separated Kiran from the rest of them. Of course, the kids wanted to get a look-see. One of his students started crying, "Sorry teacher! so sorry teacher!" as he hoisted one of his classmates up to try to get leverage on the top of the stall. Kiran sat there with his fist held high above him so it could come smashing down onto any fingers that poked into his side of the stall.

HORROR STORY TWO:

Jamil was taking a leak at one of the urinals when one of his students wandered in to do the same. Before Jamil could finish, the student, while at the adjacent urinal, peaked over and said, "ooh, it is big!"

So, yeah, I want to have a peace of mind when I'm letting things pass through the different orifices.

SUMMER IS HERE

I still have a shit-ton of back dated entries to get to, and only TWO MORE MONTHS in which to do it.



Anyways, summer is here. The cherry blossoms came and went, and in their wake a string of sunny days and temperatures rising past the 20 degree mark have made themselves known. Busan is starting to show the warm colours that were once drowned out by the bleak winter scenery.

This Saturday a bunch of us went to Gyeongju, which is the historic city of Korea, to take part in the traditional alcoholic drinks and rice cakes festival. Some of the drinks were delicious, and others caused my stomach to churn and eyes to water.

A popular thing to do in Gyeongju is to rent bikes to make getting around easier. Jamil, Jordan and I opted for renting scooters, which was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. While the rest of our group biked around like sissies, we took off in search of some of the nicest scenery we could find. We weren't disappointed; we came across winding roads and lush greenery, lakes and rivers reflecting the summer sun, and farms with friendly farmers who allowed us to take photos of the baby goats, dogs, roosters, ducks, etc. I so want to get a scooter when I'm back in Toronto. They're too much fun.

Sunday consisted of beach bums (literally--some Korean man thought it'd be appropriate to strip out of his wet bathing suit and into his somewhat dry clothes four feet away from us) and beer. We were at the most popular beach in all of Korea, but you wouldn't know it with the disproportionate amount of foreigners to Koreans. The beach is officially open in August, and that's when you'll see the thousands of orange and white parasols littering the beach and the Koreans under them. Otherwise you'll only see a handful of Koreans venturing out into the sand, while the others stay on the boardwalk, looking curiously at the foreigners taking advantage of the warm weather.

In other news, I haven't done any planning for post-Korea. I should probably get on that, since my time here will expire before I know it.

WORK WORK WORK AND CONSTRUCTION

The construction work I've witnessed here is unlike anything back at home. The first thing I noticed was that it happens all the time. I've been walking home at 2:00am on a Sunday night and I've seen construction workers busy at work with their flashlights and headlamps. Another striking difference is the lack of boundaries they use to section off the construction zones. I've seen bulldozers and other construction vehicles doing their thing on the sidewalk while kids run in between the workers and machinery trying to get across. Back home I'm used to going out of my way for a few blocks to get by whatever construction is going on in the city.

South Korea has the longest work hours amongst the OECD countries. It wasn't long ago that workers in big corporations were required to work six days a week. There was legislation passed that put an end to that, but that's only helpful for those sets of workers (some of the Korean teachers in my hagwon work seven days a week). The average Korean worker works something like 2390 hours a week (Canadian workers, on average, work 1717 hours a week). The average work day for a Korean worker is from 8:00am to 7:30pm. Apparently longer work hours raise the risk of dementia

At first I felt bad, because the Korean teachers do so much more work than me, and I got vacation time only after six months of being there (the Korean teachers in my school have to be there for three years before they can see any vacation, which usually only lasts a week.) Our pay is even significantly greater than theirs. When I go to work, I spend maybe five to 10 minutes prepping for my lessons, and then spend the remaining 45 to 50 minutes reading. As I'm doing this, the Korean teachers are busy marking, preparing lesson plans, calling the parents if a kid was missing or misbehaved, etc.

This work work work mentality starts from a young age, with kids having hours upon hours of schooling. On top of their normal schooling, several of the kids have three, four, or more academies to attend. These academies are usually for English, science, math, Chinese and music. The kids spend hours and hours and hours working on their homework after they finally manage to get home. Some of my kids go to bed at, like, midnight because of all the homework they have to finish. (This is why I rarely assign homework because, shit, I feel bad.) A lot of these kids also attend academies on Saturday, and then on Sunday some of them have to go to church. I usually let a lot of things slide in class that would never go unpunished if a Korean teacher were there because I feel that it's the only time they get to act like, well, kids. It's no wonder when they respond with "played videogames/computer games" after I ask them what they did on the weekend, 'cause that's all I'd fucking want to do if I was subjected to that much work.

My mom's friend is doing a Korean exchange, where she's housing a 13-year old boy for I think six months so he can practice his English. She was all excited about showing him all kinds of stuff about Canada (and hopefully showing him the wonders of real maple syrup), but she quickly realised the kid had no time to do so. Not only does he have to go to elementary school, he as about four hours of Korean schooling afterwords, and then several hours of homework to finish after that.

For the one class that was really pissing me off, I asked them to write out a typical day in the life of, including when they wake up, go to school, academies, etc. When they were finished, I outlined a typical Canadian students day, which usually ends at 3:00pm. They were all extremely jealous of all the free time the Canadian kids had, and one of them quipped, "wow, they must play a lot of videogames!"

PUBIC HAIRS

There's an old Korean belief that says the longer your pubic hair is, the more fertile you are. This explains the amount of bush I've seen in the men's change rooms/bathhouses, and apparently it's not much better on the women's side. I've seen men blow dry their pubic hair with whatever blow dryer that is available, and then fro out the freshly dried hairs with a mini-comb. As soon as I witnessed that I immediately stopped using all the brushes/combs in the change rooms.

As an aside, everyone should watch Dead Snow. There are a lot of nice bloody splashes involving NAZI ZOMBIES.

REFLECTING POOL

WHITIES

The other night Tory and I went to a bar because we wanted to play darts. (Darts is extremely popular here, and they have all these fancy dart machines at various drinking establishments.) We sat at a table near the dart machine, waiting for a bunch of Koreans to finish their game. One of the bartenders came over and suggested that we sit at a table that's by the window. When I told him we were waiting for the dart machine, he smiled, walked over and wrote "u-you" on the white board that I had failed to see so that the Koreans in the bar knew we were next in line.

"U-you" is the Korean word for milk.

Caroline, Dave and I found a swing that swung out over a cliff-like hill on a hike. I don't think this sort of thing would fly back home. It was fun, but unfortunately the make-shift swing had nails sticking out of the seat making it a tad uncomfortable...though I should be used to getting nailed by now.